Saved By A Triple Letter Score

Obseccy,

In reading it over, I see what you mean. There needs to be some more "story" in there. i need to incorporate the history throughout the story instead of explaining it all at once. It does read like a character introduction. Thanks for pointing that out.

:)

R

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Saved By A Triple Letter Score

so, you think...maybe bring up all that stuff later? I was trying to introduce the characters a bit...you don't think it's necessary? Just get to the story first?

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He loved books, he loved the pretty librarian more

Lovely read! What a sweet story. Thanks.

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Pussy Dreams

Sindhu,

Sorry, I normally don't like to leave negative comments on creative writing, but I must in this case, and also offer some suggestions.

My complaints:

• Dialogue between two or more people should NOT be contained in one paragraph. It is confusing. Each thought from one person should have its own line. Example

"What are you doing tonight?" asked D

"Not much," replied S.

"Well, do you want to come over?"

 

• The story itself does not make any sense. I'm sorry, I don't want to discourage you, but it just isn't believable. The dialogue is awkward and choppy and doesn't sound like a married couple, even a recently married couple where husband and wife don't know each other.
• It doesn't sound like you wanted this story to be an "adult" story and the reference to pussy at the end frankly doesn't belong. The title is also wrong. It sounds like you were trying to americanize your story, but it is completely out of place, especially because it happens near the end, the situation itself is completely innocent and yet you have this very graphic word in there that most civilized people do NOT use in everyday conversation. Somebody mentioned that verbal references to "pussy" or other strong words would result in automatic dismissal in India. Same here...I wouldn't even THINK to use a word like that in any conversation.
• You need to think about what story you want to tell. Develop your characters. Who are they? What do they like? What's their temperament like? That will help you with dialogue and plot because you will in essence be dealing with actual people with personalities, dislikes, likes, etc. It also helps you deliver a believable story with believable characters and dialogue.

Hope that helps.

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Short Story: Married in America

Ok, I'm confused...aren't blogs supposed to be personal commentary/opinion?  Or is it whatever you want it to be? I'm not asserting, I'm actually curious...

That aside, not a bad story Sleepless. I have a few concerns though. While stylistically, it seems to flow, the ending does seem a little jarring, almost like you're making a moral statement or judgement on the lives of Ann and Nick, almost as if you have clearly decided in your mind that they're not Indian enough, don't embody "Indian values" and that because Ann has a successful career, her life is "empty". The characters seem a little cliched, and I find it interesting that you have both guys desiring the same kind of woman. Why would Nick tell Ann he prefers a more docile woman when he was obviously attracted to the opposite? You've made Lakshmi out to be this ideal sort of woman, that because she cooks delicious meals, she's more complete and has the better life. I feel like the characters could use a few more dimensions, unless of course you set out to make the characters like that, ie tried to make Ann out to be a westernized woman with no soul and Lakshmi to be the "perfect woman".

Also, as someone else pointed out, not sure your idea of feminism is accurate. Feminism is much more about women having self-respect, confidence, etc., making their own decisions, standing up for themselves, not being subjugated or oppressed. It's certainly not about being able to manipulate men into making decisions.

Anyhoo, that's just my two cents.

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the lonely predicament of coming back home

True, I am...I do try to move past things, and I do try to maintain some faith...at the end of the day, I can't remember the last time I got a proper hug...maybe two months? three? That was probably from my mom or dad. It has been an awful three years. I almost lost both my parents. I know, I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I am.

I know that a lot of our struggles depend on our reaction to them and how we deal with them in the long term, how we absorb and gain perspective, but there's also that matter of luck, and the best of efforts proving fruitless. What do you do then? How do you keep those discouraging experiences from utterly defeating your spirit? Especially when they happen frequently?

Sorry for the self-pitying rant. I'm not proud of it. I admit it's not cool. I'm unwell, in many respects obviously, but at the moment, am merely afflicted with a bad cold and a serious case of loneliness. What's a girl to do in this city but blog?

I'll do my best to refrain from now on...sorry...

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the lonely predicament of coming back home

Thanks Optical..apparently every other place is not nearly as "chilly" as Toronto...I guess some days are just better than others, you know?

:)

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the lonely predicament of coming back home

Thanks Maria and FH...I think all of this is compounded by the fact that I chose to live by myself - which can be both amazing and also incredibly lonely. And, when my parents are here, I can at least go home on the weekends and hang out with my mom...

I also think Toronto isn't the greatest city for making new friends. I know many people who have felt the same about TO. People are 'nice', but they're not exactly warm. There's a tough shell that has to be cracked first.

There's a line in a great song by Maroon 5 that says it best:

"This city's made us crazy and we must get out."

In fact, on looking at the CD cover, the song is actually called "Must get out"

On an unrelated note, this has to be one of the best cds I've ever bought and listened to. Amazing.

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Work, conversation and weekends

Yeah, it's almost as if it's a struggle for people to come up with the few short words that do come out of their mouths. They're not interested in sincerity so much as they are in being perceived as polite and friendly. V. strange. I'd rather not say anything, unless it's to remark on something funny that's just happened.

It pains me to have to take part in those conversations...unless the person is very animated about what they did or plan to do.

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Work, conversation and weekends

So true! I had the same thought on Friday, when I was in the elevator with two other people from a different floor. The conversation was so mundane!

Person 1: How's it goin' eh?
Person 2: Not bad, eh...glad it's Friday
Person 1: Yeah me too. Thank god for the weekend eh?
Person 2: No kidding eh?
Person 1: Yeah so see ya later eh?
Person 2: Yeah you too, have a good weekend eh?

Sad...our society is so very sad.

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